the truth about confidence (bitesize)
Not everyone is confident.
I would class myself as someone who is, yet even then, there are situations I feel less confident in. Imposter syndrome is as real to me as it is to anyone else who cares that they are doing things in the right way. Anyone else with an ounce of humility. Anyone who recognises the need for credibility, in any number of situations. At work, at home, with friends or family.
Here’s something that people don’t tell you very often; being a quiet person, introverted even, being reserved, not being the loudest in the room, thinking before you speak, these are not bad qualities. These are often the qualities shared by empathetic, considerate, thoughtful people who, sometimes to their own detriment, place the needs of others ahead of their own.
Unfortunately, these traits are often met with crass, clumsy, self-righteous ‘advice’. Even from those close to us:
“Nothing to add?!”
“Well, it seems you don’t have an opinion, so we’ll do it my way.”
“You just need to be more confident…”
By the way, a person can’t decide to be more confident; any more than they can decide they no longer have that annoying summer cold!
Also, a person not sharing their opinion, is not the same as a person without one.
But when a lack of confidence is holding you back. When it prevents you reaching your potential, when it's often a challenge to represent yourself authentically, then confidence building, and the development of robust and nuanced communication skills, are tools you may benefit from having in your toolkit, briefcase, clutch, wallet or school bag.
Again, you can’t decide to be confident, but…
You can learn to read the room
You can develop your listening skills
You can improve your ability to communicate your message and hold your ground, diplomatically, when you disagree with others. (Just like bolstering your immune system to fend off that cold...)
In taking these steps, you can grow your confidence and assertiveness in a way that is rewarding, long lasting, and empowering.